Life can present us a series of challenges and at times it can feel overwhelming.  Therapy can help provide a place for you to discuss your concerns, develop more self-awareness and learn new skills to better manage the stresses in your life. It can also be a support as you deal with anxiety, grief, family crises, depression, self-esteem issues as well as other perplexing concerns.  It can be helpful to take the time to talking to a counselor when you feel you have been feeling more down than usual, an increase in anxiety, you feel overwhelmed, and you feel out of balance.

The benefits of counseling can be recognized when you are willing to put in the work necessary and apply skills you learn.  Benefits include:

• A feeling of more control over one’s life and better life balance

• An increase in feelings of happiness

• Overall satisfaction in one’s relationships

• Increased personal awareness

• Improvement of techniques to cope with stress and

• More clarity and understanding of yourself, your goals/intentions & your values

Typically sessions last about 55 min and your initial session will be one hour. Some problems or concerns can be addressed in as few as 6-10 sessions, however the time needed is strongly based on the individual’s needs, and willingness to change.  I require clients to come weekly for at least 3 weeks and then clients can come biweekly.  Depending on the severity of the issues, some clients come to therapy just once a month for less serious concerns or for maintenance. 

Click HERE for a great video by Relationship Coach Heidi Priebe on finding the best therapist for you. 

July, 2022

The “Hedgehog” in Hedgehog Psychotherapy and Counseling is short the small spiny mammal.  The hedgehog is a chosen mascot for the practice, based on Freud’s reference to an essay by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer.  In the essay, Schopenhauer describes a metaphor for Hedgehog’s difficulty in attaining intimacy.  

The difficulty with hedgehogs is their spiny quills which reach out and stick other hedgehogs as they get close to one another.  This creates a unique difficulty, especially when hedgehogs desire others for mating, warmth, or even just companionship.  In order to get close to one another, they first need to learn to relax enough to lower their own quills and not hurt each other unintentionally. 

This is similar for many people, who learn to grow protective parts which left unregulated unintentionally hurt they people they love.  Like hedgehogs, humans need to learn to relax their central nervous systems enough not to activate psychological protective parts, and then can get close to others.  

The work I try to do with clients is often along the lines of this dynamic, getting people to identify, explore, accept, and eventually learn to appreciate their protective parts enough to get them to relax and allow for naturally healthy parts that desire closeness can emerge and increase proximity with others if desired.        

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to psychotherapy that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each person’s mental system. These sub-personalities consist of wounded parts and painful emotions such as anger and shame, and parts that try to control and protect the person from the pain of the wounded parts. The sub-personalities are often in conflict with each other and with one’s core Self, a concept that describes the confident, compassionate, whole person that is at the core of every individual. IFS focuses on healing the wounded parts and restoring mental balance and harmony by changing the dynamics that create discord among the sub-personalities and the Self.

A good video that introduces IFS well in a few minutes can be found HERE. 

Congratulations! You’ve made an appointment with a psychotherapist – that’s a big step. The first appointment will give you a chance to meet your therapist and see how the two of you connect. When it comes to successful therapy your relationship with your therapist is a key component so you want to get a feel for the person you are considering working with.

First sessions will vary a lot between psychotherapists due to their personal style, geographic location, and the way they approach their practice for more on modalities click here but there are some pretty standard components.

Generally, a therapist will tell you the limits of confidentiality and what they are mandated to report. For more on mandated reporting click here. The therapist will probably tell you a bit about how they work and what their policies are regarding booking appointments and cancellations. They will also discuss with you some of the negative impacts that therapy can have, as talking about hard things can be hard. Many therapists nowadays have a consent to treatment form along with their office policies printed in a contract that they will want you to read over and sign. (This varies by region though so don’t worry too much if your therapist doesn’t have you sign a form.)

At this point, your therapist should be looking to set you at ease and help make you more comfortable. You want to try and get a sense of what they feel like to you. What is their office like? How do you feel in their presence? Do you like their sense of style? Do they seem welcoming? Does the environment suit you? Take a breath while they are talking and soak in the atmosphere. You are possibly going to be spending a lot of time sharing yourself in this office and you want it to feel right.

The therapist will then ask you some variation of why you have chosen to seek therapy at this time? This can be a tricky question for many but remember you don’t have to get it right. You will have plenty of time to revise and amend your answer if you decide to work together. What you want to convey is the thing that made you start looking for a therapist. Maybe it was something that happened in a relationship? Maybe it was a feeling you got stuck in or a memory you couldn’t step away from? Maybe it’s just a vague feeling that something in your life isn’t quite right. You don’t have to go into a lot of detail and you don’t have to tell the whole truth. What you want to do is give the therapist enough of an idea of what has brought you in so that they can have an idea of whether or not they will be able to help you. You also want to get a sense as to how easy they are for you to open up to.

The therapist will ask you a few follow-up questions but they aren’t likely to probe too deeply at a first session. If you are feeling uncomfortable you should let them know. How they react to your feelings will be an important part of your learning about whether or not you’re a good match. They may ask you if you have specific goals for therapy? Or how you will know that therapy is working for you? Feel free to share any of the thoughts you are having about engaging in this venture.

Most therapists will also be curious about any prior experiences you may have had with psychotherapy. A therapist can learn a lot about how best to work with you if you are able to express what did and didn’t work for you in the past. No worries if this is your first time it’s just always worth asking. If you have some ideas of what you would like in a therapist/therapy this can be a good place to let that be known. If you want homework say so. If you want to know a bit about your therapist as a person or you don’t want to know anything about them at all, ever, this is a good place to get that info out there.

In some places, psychotherapists need to give a diagnosis to your insurer in order to have the treatment covered. In other places, only therapists with certain licenses are able to legally diagnose. If you want to know if your therapist is going to diagnose you or if you have questions and/or concerns about this please feel free to ask them directly.

Most psychotherapists, other than psychiatrists, cannot prescribe medications (although there are some exceptions in certain jurisdictions). If you are looking for information or recommendations about medications you will need to see a psychiatrist, who is a medical doctor with a specialty in mental health. For more information about professional designations click here.

You are welcome to ask as many questions as you have (given the time restrictions) during this initial appointment.

Some possible questions are:

• • How long have you been practicing?
  • What is your training?
  • What do those letters mean after your name?
  • What is your approach to therapy?
  • What is your experience working with my issue?
  • What will therapy with you look like?
  • How long are sessions?
  • How often will we meet?
  • How do you deal with client emergencies?
  • What kind of contact will we have in between sessions?
  • How often would you like to be paid? How do you want me to pay you?

At the end of the session, the therapist may ask if you want to book another appointment. You do not have to say yes. If you are feeling like you had a decent connection and want to have another visit by all means book yourself in, but if you want to think about it or consider your other options that is a perfectly acceptable answer. Just say you want some time to consider it and will get back to them. You might want to discuss a time range so that they don’t give your spot away while you are considering things but don’t feel pressured to make a decision in the moment if you aren’t feeling it.

The question you want to ask yourself is, do I think it will be possible to build a trusting relationship with this person? If the answer is, “no” then the answer is no and you should move on. If the answer is, “yes” then book yourself in. If the answer is, “maybe” well that may be good enough to return and see what you can possibly build with that therapist. It’s often hard to know after just one meeting but go with your gut feeling if you have one. If you don’t, you can either try out other therapists or go back for a few more sessions until you have a better idea of how you feel about working with this one.

Therapists know how important “fit” is so don’t worry about hurting their feelings. You need to find the therapist who works best for you and everyone pretty much understands that.

Best of luck with your therapy adventure!

So you are having all sorts of feelings for and thoughts about your therapist. These can be loving and friendly thoughts/feelings or they can be angry and upsetting thought/feelings but don’t worry you aren’t the only one!

The general term that encompasses all of a client’s feelings towards their therapist is, transference. You may have heard of this term before (it comes up a lot on this sub) but transference is a fairly neutral term and doesn’t indicate that anything is wrong with you or your therapy.

The term was first used by Sigmund Freud when he realized that his patients were expressing feelings towards him that he thought were actually feelings they felt towards other significant figures in their lives – that these feelings had been “transferred” from other important relationships onto the therapeutic relationship.

Transference is mostly an unconscious process that happens all of the time in our regular lives; who you are attracted to and who you immediately dislike could be attributed to unconscious transference feelings. You may also be well aware of the feelings, as in a person reminds you of another person you know and so you feel similarly towards them. In therapy though, these feelings can be examined and worked with so that you have a better understanding of your own unconscious impulses, desires and relational expectations.

Not all therapists are interested in working with the transference. Some modalities like Psychoanalysis, Relational Therapy, and Transference Based Therapy along with most Psychodynamic therapies would consider exploring your thoughts and feelings about the therapist an essential part of the work. While other more manualized therapies like CBT and REBT aren’t that interested in delving very deeply into those feelings, if at all. If you don’t know if your therapist is interested in working with transference feelings you can simply ask them.

Many transference feelings are quite positive like love, friendship, secure attachment and even romantic feelings and they can help you to trust your therapist and allow you to share more difficult topics and experiences with them. But some transferences can create a barrier to the work such as distrust, anger and resentment. If you are experiencing negative transference you should try to express those feelings to your therapist. Sometimes just being able to say the thing that is happening is enough to disrupt the negative feelings. Your therapist might be reminding you of someone from your history but if they can show up in a different way in the here and now then you can better differentiate the past from the present and that can be a big part of the work of therapy. In general it’s probably good to discuss these feelings through in therapy rather than have them come up unexpectedly and disrupt your relationships in the outside world.

Erotic transference causes a lot of concern for clients but really having sexy feelings for your therapist is not that unusual. A good therapist should be able to discuss these feelings with you just like any other transference feelings. Most therapists will take the opportunity to remind you of their professional ethics to not engage in any sexual behaviour with their clients. This isn’t meant to shame you. It is meant to make you feel safe that the therapist will not be using your transference feelings and disclosure of these feelings as a way to meet their own needs. Stating the boundary is a way to make you both feel safer while you are engaging in this discussion.

If you are feeling like your transference feelings are disrupting your ability to engage productively in therapy this is a good conversation to have with your therapist. In the end you are the best person to make decisions about your own treatment.

Countertransference is the umbrella term for all the feelings that your therapist has about you. As therapists are people too they will also have unconscious desires and expectations that they transfer from one relationship to another. Generally therapists take these feelings to their own therapy or supervision (or seek a consult with another therapist) to ensure they aren’t negatively impacting your therapy. Some therapists will talk about their own countertransference with a client but this varies a lot according to modality and personal preferences. Therapists will rarely disclose an erotic countertransference but it does on occasion happen. (Although this should be well documented and only occur after a professional consultation.) Generally, disclosure of the countertransference should only happen for the express benefit of the client and the therapy.

If you want to read more about transference there is a good article about it here.

Have you ever wondered to yourself, ‘why did my therapist do or say x?’ Or perhaps you’ve thought, ‘I wonder if my therapist MEANT to do or say that?’ What you have identified is what therapists call an intervention. An intervention is, simply, anything a therapist says or does inside or outside of session to induce change in a client.

The number of interventions are as numerous and varied as the therapists who use them. An intervention can be anything from open-ended questions to having a client face an empty chair and talk to someone who caused them trauma in the past. Each modality of therapy has distinct interventions associated with it, while some interventions are used more commonly across therapies. Many therapists devise their own spin on common interventions, or even create entirely new interventions. The important thing is that the intervention has a purpose in the session.

This is where I stop to punctuate how critical it is to know that an intervention should NEVER deliberately make you feel manipulated, disparaged, belittled, ashamed or discriminated against. Your therapist should always treat you professionally and with humanity. Being a jerk is never, and has never been, an intervention. Some therapists have a style that is more abrupt or they tend to be more confrontational. Some clients may interpret an intervention in a way the therapist did not intend. This is not what I’m talking about here. Misunderstandings happen. You should always feel valued as a human being regardless of the intervention.

With that out of the way, here are some common interventions in some of the most general categories of therapy. There are also basic counseling skills that almost every therapist uses, such as silence and reflective listening. Keep in mind that there are literal books written about interventions for every conceivable type of therapy, so these are just scratching the surface. If you ever have a question about an intervention used in therapy, or whether or not something IS an intervention, never be scared to ask. Your therapist should always be willing to explain what’s happening in your own treatment.

Basic Counseling Skills (pdf)

More Basic Counseling Skills

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

More CBT

EMDR

Humanistic

Behavioral

Attachment)

Systems (pdf)

Again, these are very general ideas about what treatment is going to look like for a handful of therapies. If you are curious about interventions for other types of therapy, check out the list linked in the Modalities section. And if you still don’t have an answer, ask your therapist!

Embarking on a therapeutic journey is a courageous step towards personal growth, healing, and self-discovery. As you engage in therapy, it’s natural to wonder if it’s truly working and bringing about the desired changes in your life. While progress looks different for everyone, there are several indicators that can help you determine if therapy is having a positive impact. In this blog post, we will explore some key signs that therapy is working and how to evaluate your therapeutic journey.