Life can present us a series of challenges and at times it can feel overwhelming.  Therapy can help provide a place for you to discuss your concerns, develop more self-awareness and learn new skills to better manage the stresses in your life. It can also be a support as you deal with anxiety, grief, family crises, depression, self-esteem issues as well as other perplexing concerns.  It can be helpful to take the time to talking to a counselor when you feel you have been feeling more down than usual, an increase in anxiety, you feel overwhelmed, and you feel out of balance.

The benefits of counseling can be recognized when you are willing to put in the work necessary and apply skills you learn.  Benefits include:

• A feeling of more control over one’s life and better life balance

• An increase in feelings of happiness

• Overall satisfaction in one’s relationships

• Increased personal awareness

• Improvement of techniques to cope with stress and

• More clarity and understanding of yourself, your goals/intentions & your values

Typically sessions last about 50 min and your initial session could be longer. Some problems or concerns can be addressed in as few as 6-10 sessions, however the time needed is strongly based on the individual’s needs, and willingness to change.  I request clients to come weekly for at least 6 weeks and then clients can come biweekly.  Depending on the severity of the issues, some clients come to therapy just once a month for less serious concerns or for maintenance. 

Click HERE for a great video by Relationship Coach Heidi Priebe on finding the best therapist for you. 

The “Hedgehog” in Hedgehog Psychotherapy and Counseling refers to the small, spiny mammal and serves as a meaningful metaphor for the practice’s approach to relationships and emotional connection. The mascot is inspired by Freud’s reference to a parable attributed to philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, in which hedgehogs struggle to find a comfortable distance from one another: their desire for warmth and companionship draws them together, yet their quills can unintentionally cause pain when they get too close. For hedgehogs to experience closeness, they must find a way to relax their defenses enough to approach one another without causing harm. A similar dynamic can occur in human relationships. People often develop protective psychological and emotional responses that serve important functions but, when activated or unregulated, can unintentionally create distance or hurt the people they care about. Therapy can provide an opportunity to recognize, understand, and develop greater acceptance of these protective parts, while learning to regulate the nervous system well enough for them to relax. As these protective responses become less dominant, healthier parts of ourselves that seek connection, intimacy, and companionship can emerge, allowing us to move toward others with greater safety, intention, and authenticity.  

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to psychotherapy that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each person’s mental system. These sub-personalities consist of wounded parts and painful emotions such as anger and shame, and parts that try to control and protect the person from the pain of the wounded parts. The sub-personalities are often in conflict with each other and with one’s core Self, a concept that describes the confident, compassionate, whole person that is at the core of every individual. IFS focuses on healing the wounded parts and restoring mental balance and harmony by changing the dynamics that create discord among the sub-personalities and the Self.

A good video that introduces IFS well in a few minutes can be found HERE. 

Your first therapy appointment is an opportunity to meet your therapist, learn about their approach, and begin determining whether the two of you are a good fit. While initial sessions vary by therapist, they typically include a discussion of confidentiality and its limits, practice policies, informed consent, and what you can expect from the therapeutic process, including the possibility that discussing difficult experiences may temporarily increase emotional distress. Your therapist will likely ask what brings you to therapy, what you hope to address, and whether you have specific goals for treatment, while also exploring any previous experiences with therapy and what has or has not been helpful in the past. You do not need to have everything figured out or disclose more than you are comfortable sharing; the initial session is also an opportunity for you to assess whether you feel respected, comfortable, and able to develop a trusting therapeutic relationship. You are encouraged to ask questions about your therapist’s training, experience, therapeutic approach, session structure, communication and emergency procedures, fees, diagnosis, and whether medication management is part of their scope of practice. Most importantly, pay attention to how you experience the interaction: a strong therapeutic relationship is an important component of effective treatment, and it is entirely appropriate to take time to consider whether the therapist feels like the right match for you. A therapist who is a good fit should welcome your questions, respect your boundaries, and recognize that finding the right therapeutic relationship is an important part of the process.

So you are having all sorts of feelings for and thoughts about your therapist. These can be loving and friendly thoughts/feelings or they can be angry and upsetting thought/feelings but don’t worry you aren’t the only one!

The general term that encompasses all of a client’s feelings towards their therapist is, transference. You may have heard of this term before (it comes up a lot on this sub) but transference is a fairly neutral term and doesn’t indicate that anything is wrong with you or your therapy.

The term was first used by Sigmund Freud when he realized that his patients were expressing feelings towards him that he thought were actually feelings they felt towards other significant figures in their lives – that these feelings had been “transferred” from other important relationships onto the therapeutic relationship.

Transference is mostly an unconscious process that happens all of the time in our regular lives; who you are attracted to and who you immediately dislike could be attributed to unconscious transference feelings. You may also be well aware of the feelings, as in a person reminds you of another person you know and so you feel similarly towards them. In therapy though, these feelings can be examined and worked with so that you have a better understanding of your own unconscious impulses, desires and relational expectations.

Not all therapists are interested in working with the transference. Some modalities like Psychoanalysis, Relational Therapy, and Transference Based Therapy along with most Psychodynamic therapies would consider exploring your thoughts and feelings about the therapist an essential part of the work. While other more manualized therapies like CBT and REBT aren’t that interested in delving very deeply into those feelings, if at all. If you don’t know if your therapist is interested in working with transference feelings you can simply ask them.

Many transference feelings are quite positive like love, friendship, secure attachment and even romantic feelings and they can help you to trust your therapist and allow you to share more difficult topics and experiences with them. But some transferences can create a barrier to the work such as distrust, anger and resentment. If you are experiencing negative transference you should try to express those feelings to your therapist. Sometimes just being able to say the thing that is happening is enough to disrupt the negative feelings. Your therapist might be reminding you of someone from your history but if they can show up in a different way in the here and now then you can better differentiate the past from the present and that can be a big part of the work of therapy. In general it’s probably good to discuss these feelings through in therapy rather than have them come up unexpectedly and disrupt your relationships in the outside world.

Erotic transference causes a lot of concern for clients but really having sexy feelings for your therapist is not that unusual. A good therapist should be able to discuss these feelings with you just like any other transference feelings. Most therapists will take the opportunity to remind you of their professional ethics to not engage in any sexual behaviour with their clients. This isn’t meant to shame you. It is meant to make you feel safe that the therapist will not be using your transference feelings and disclosure of these feelings as a way to meet their own needs. Stating the boundary is a way to make you both feel safer while you are engaging in this discussion.

If you are feeling like your transference feelings are disrupting your ability to engage productively in therapy this is a good conversation to have with your therapist. In the end you are the best person to make decisions about your own treatment.

Countertransference is the umbrella term for all the feelings that your therapist has about you. As therapists are people too they will also have unconscious desires and expectations that they transfer from one relationship to another. Generally therapists take these feelings to their own therapy or supervision (or seek a consult with another therapist) to ensure they aren’t negatively impacting your therapy. Some therapists will talk about their own countertransference with a client but this varies a lot according to modality and personal preferences. Therapists will rarely disclose an erotic countertransference but it does on occasion happen. (Although this should be well documented and only occur after a professional consultation.) Generally, disclosure of the countertransference should only happen for the express benefit of the client and the therapy.

If you want to read more about transference there is a good article about it here.

Have you ever wondered, “Why did my therapist say or do that?” or “I wonder if my therapist meant to do or say that?” What you are describing is what therapists call an intervention, which is anything a therapist intentionally says or does, inside or outside of a session, with the goal of facilitating change. Interventions vary widely and may range from open-ended questions to experiential exercises, such as speaking to an empty chair while addressing someone associated with a past trauma. Each therapeutic approach has its own interventions, although many are used across different modalities, and therapists often adapt existing techniques or develop new ones to meet the needs of their clients. Regardless of the approach, an intervention should have a clear therapeutic purpose and should never be intended to manipulate, disparage, belittle, shame, or discriminate against a client. Therapists may have different styles some more direct or confrontational than others and clients may occasionally experience an intervention differently than the therapist intended. Misunderstandings can happen, but throughout the therapeutic process, you should feel respected, valued, and treated with professionalism and humanity. Being a jerk is never, and has never been, an intervention.

Determining whether therapy is effective is not always straightforward, as progress is often gradual, nonlinear, and unique to each individual; however, several indicators can suggest that meaningful therapeutic change is occurring. These may include greater self awareness and insight into your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relational patterns; improved ability to cope with stress and regulate difficult emotions; increased emotional resilience when navigating setbacks and challenges; healthier communication, boundaries, and relationships; meaningful progress toward the goals identified in therapy; greater confidence, self-efficacy, and self-worth; and an increasing ability to apply insights, skills, and perspectives from therapy to your daily life. Therapy is not necessarily successful because you feel better after every session, nor does progress always mean the absence of difficult emotions or circumstances. Rather, effective therapy often involves developing a greater capacity to understand yourself, respond intentionally rather than react automatically, navigate challenges with greater flexibility, and make choices that are consistent with your values and goals. Evaluating progress is also a collaborative process, and discussing your experience openly with your therapist can help clarify what is changing, identify areas that may need greater attention, and determine whether adjustments to the therapeutic approach would be beneficial.